The Chinaman
2oo2 I was given set of pastels and one paper from my close friend who wanted to find out what I'd be able to do with it. I didn't know how would pastels work, what the tool is about. So during that one night I - just left by myself - learnt that it was same as with language or any other tool - once you focuss on it you can't miss yourself, you can't get wrong - just find your way out. Because observing and shaping your observations was also the personal story-telling, and if the concentration if absolute, you create clearly yourself from the moment - you continue through it with your life on, getting skilled. It's your story so you get what you see - shaping out what you are. And then it works further: every other time you see the painting again, concentrated, you can reflect on your present shape on it.
I just ivented the base of this technique for myself - to make more and more focussed and concentrated observations and continue changing the painting so the shapes go thicker and more dense and complicated. Then this technicqe saved my consciousness 3 years after this when my closest observations and suspiciousness on language took the ability of using it away from me. I was not willing to start to create myself with the new first moves through language or world itself - and I slowly started step by step with observing the process of seeing/forming itself - using this technique and creating the Seeing selfportrait.